Joe - The Host. You can contact him via the e-mail for the show or the Myspace page. Joe has been hosting the show for a very long time.

Rick - Rick is the guy who sits across from Joe most weeks. He's big and somewhat quiet.

Lance - Lance is a guy who loves Glam. He is co-hosting the show most weeks. He used to have a clone named Lancer, but he hasn't been seen in a long time.

Jeffie - Jeffie is a clone of Azkath from The Last Exit for the Lost. The clone didn't turn out as planned. He is kind of naive, very clueless, and sometimes downright stupid. There have been many, many Jeffie's, and some of them could do things the others could not. For example, some could regenerate. Jeffie has learned to clone himself whenever he wants. He often gets beaten up by Joe and Rick, and sometimes Lance. In order to combat this, he made a super strength pill. This pill instead split his personality into two, bringing out a new one calling itself Thor. Thor is very, very strong. Pepe, rarely seen, seems to be a side effect of the cloning process, and should be avoided at all costs.

Josh - Josh started on the show in late 2006. He loves Metal, which is good, since it's a Metal show. He also seems to be quite adept at sticking his foot in his mouth...

EVD - Regular Co-Host on The Last Exit for the Lost. He likes to come visit The Metallic Onslaught whenever he can.

Shoebox of Worm Quartet - Used to be a regular co-host. Not so much any more...

Heather - Jeffie once had a girlfriend named Maria. He and Just Joe accidentally killed her. Heather is her twin sister, and for some reason, really doesn't like Jeffie very much...

Just Joe - Co-host from The Last Exit for the Lost. Shows up for special occasions to hang out with Jeffie and cause Mayhem.

Dave - Co-host from The Last Exit for the Lost. Shows up for special occasions to hang out with Jeffie and cause Mayhem. Just Joe's co-hort.

George - Occasional guest on the air. Seems to get along quite well with Jeffie.

Metalwulf - Shows up on the full moon...

Steve - The Metalwulf's keeper...